Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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