Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
