I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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