My sheets look like a crime scene.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize