So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
