I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
