I'm gonna have a badass scar
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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