Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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