Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
