i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
