I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
