Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Floor bacon is actually really good
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
