this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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