the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
