Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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