ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you traded sex for a burrito?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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