How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
