I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
