Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
