Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
