she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
