I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
