so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
