Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
handjob tips. give me some.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
