After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
