Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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