Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
