we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
