Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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