Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize