Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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