cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She needs sedatives and a leash
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize