So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
