True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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