Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
