Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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