we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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