Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
