singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
