"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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