Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
