She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
