Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
