I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
