i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize