I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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