There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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