My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
