I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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