You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
