we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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