Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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