By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
