The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
