im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
