Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
