I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we're making bets on your personal life
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize