In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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