Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
