She said her name was "party"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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